So let’s talk about virginity loss, I know EW. So many words and feelings come to mind when I think of my first big step into womanhood. It was a lot less romantic than I imagined it would be. You know, a sexy boy sketches your perfectly nude body.Then he whisks you away into a town car in steerage where you sweetly whisper that you want him to take you “To the stars Jack.” I mean really, what girl didn’t have that dream? I’m going to go ahead and blame James Cameron for that let down. Or maybe I should have blamed myself for being so out of touch with reality that I didn’t realize I wasn’t on Titanic. Either way things did not go as planned. Instead of rose petals and candles we shared half of a meatball sub and a bottle of Arbor Mist. Not to mention that tequila shot which really got the ball rolling.
He was a boring boy and It was our first date. I’m going to rephrase that actually, he was a total douchebag. We split a sandwich of his choice and he didn’t buy me a drink. So that hardly qualifies as a date really, but ah to be young. After listening to him pontificate with meatball rolling around in his mouth for an hour, he took me to a party. I’ll rephrase this as well, it wasn’t a party. It was four dudes wrestling in the living room and arguing about World of War Craft. This was extremely clever on his part because being surrounded by such grotesque meat heads made him look really good. The alcohol also helped. The sun hadn’t even set before my douchey companion lead me up the steps to a guest room down the hall. After an hour of begging and pleading I finally gave him the one exhausted “yes” he was looking for. Looking up at him in that unreal moment his face was scrunched up with concentration, his piggish nostrils were fully flared and all I could think was “God, why didn’t you make me a lesbian?”
So let’s stop and back track a bit here. Could I really have competed with such a strong mixture of alcohol and begging? Did I even stand a chance to have a firm no? I’m going to say probably not. Men and boys have been conditioned by society and the media to believe that “No” actually means maybe. This causes a problem because it means that our “NO’s” don’t count for anything and that our “MAYBE’S” are simply a prolonged yes. This concept is not new at all. Does anyone remember Gone With The Wind? When Scarlet tries desperately to fight off Rhett Butler he drags her upstairs and makes “love” to her anyway – the next scene is of her happily knitting. As if that unconsensual sex was the bees knees. Now I know that, that movie was made in the 1940’s and bigotry and sexism were pretty celebrated things but this is still a huge problem. When asked about virginity loss something around 82% of women answered that their experience was not consensual. Being unable to set solid boundaries for your first sexual experience makes it extremely difficult to ever feel and understand the true meaning of consent. Or even what it feels like to have consent in your body. Remember girls watching a man beg for your vagina or try to claim it for his own is not romantic. No matter what situation you may be in you don’t owe the other person anything. Get your firm “NO” on and your ass out the door.